Where are my Maya Angelou fans?! We are all familiar with her work as a poet — “Still I Rise,” and “Caged Bird” are the ones that come to mind for me, and they are considered POWERFUL. She has a way with words in describing the plights of life and how they can be overcome.
So, when you read her autobiographical novel about the relationship between her and her mother, you can expect that she will hold that same power and enchant our souls with her meaningful discussions. However, in this novel, you can clearly see that she is more of a poet than a novelist. That’s not to say her writing is subpar or isn’t worthy of a read. It’s just that the sentence structure is incredibly simplistic, which makes it accessible to all levels of readers, but at the same time does not lend itself to being analyzed for a deeper meaning. So — if you’re one that enjoys literary analysis (like me), then this will just be a light read…until the end; you’ll need some tissues.
With that being said, let’s dive in! The first thing that strikes me is the title….why is it named this way? Is it supposed to represent the difference between the relationship her mom has with her and then the relationship that she has with her mom? Either way, I did not identify a difference in the two subsections of the book, so the title to me is misunderstood.
The book is an autobiography of her life and her connection with her mother. At times, the text does seems to jump around, but I gather it’s to focus on the memories that she remembered the most and wanted to discuss – getting it all out on paper before it disappears from her thoughts. You learn quite a lot about the life of Maya Angelou, and you’ll be surprised at where her life took her; I was especially surprised at learning she was once an exotic dancer; this is just one surprising thing you’ll learn! Although her explanation of what she’s experienced is enough to understand the idea, its just not enough for you to fully understand and empathize with. Again, I think this goes back to her being a poet versus a novelist.
“Frequently, I have been asked how I got to be this way. How did I, born black in a white country, poor in a society where wealth is adored and sought after at all costs, female in an environment where only large ships and some engines are described favorably by using the female pronoun — how did I get to be Maya Angelou?…I knew I had become the woman I am because of the grandmother I loved and the mother I came to adore. Their love informed, educated, and liberated me.” (ix)
With the premise behind the book immediately given, you are ready to learn the life behind Maya and how she became to be. As I mentioned for, I only know of her lyrical poetry, so it will be an interesting glimpse inside of what makes her who she is.
“Love heals. Heals and liberates. I use the word love, not meaning sentimentality, but a condition so strong that it may be that which holds the stars in their heavenly positions and that which causes the blood to flow orderly in our veins. This book has been written to examine some of the ways love heals and helps a person to climb impossible heights and rise from immeasurable depths.” (x)
“I learned that I could be a giver simply by bringing a smile to another person. The ensuing years have taught me that a kind word or a vote of support can be a charitable gift. I can move over and make another place for another to sit. I can turn my music up if it pleases, or down if it is annoying. I may never be known as a philanthropist, but I certainly want to be known as charitable.” (16). Wouldn’t it be a beautiful world if we all thought like Maya? If we all just took a small step in the direction of peace and love?
Her mother had given her and her brother away because she felt that she wasn’t ready to be a mother. “I missed you but I knew you were in the best place for you. I would’ve been a terrible mother. I had no patience. Maya, when you were about two years old, you asked me for something. I was busy talking, so you hit my hand, and I slapped you off the porch without thinking. It didn’t mean I didn’t love you; it just meant I wasn’t ready to be a mother. I’m explaining to you, not apologizing. We would have all been sorry had I kept you.” (25) The fact that her mother clearly tells her the reasons she left her behind is so powerful. Her mother was strong enough to divulge her feelings, knowing that Maya needed to hear the words. She needed to know the truth.
Her mother tells her, “Your reputation is the most important thing you’ll ever have. Not clothes, nor money, not the big cars you may drive. If your reputation is good, you can achieve anything you want in the world.” (31) Do you believe this to be true? Is out ability to accomplish what we want based on how others see us or is it based on how we see ourselves?
Her mother asks what she learns about herself after she was able to obtain a job and kept it until school started back. Maya believes she just learned to work, but her mother says, “no, you learned that you have power — power and determination… with those two things, you can go anywhere and everywhere.” (52)
Maya makes the decision to have sex with a boy she knows and gets pregnant. She doesn’t understand the gravity of the situation, and doesn’t even tell her stepfather until she is three weeks away from having the child. Her mother, though, is incredibly understanding and doesn’t shun her, which was a surprise. Maybe that’s how it was back then – that you just supported the mother in the decisions that were made, especially since there wasn’t as much education on the subject back then.
Two months after she has the baby, she decides to leave her mother’s home. Her mother, being the one who always knows the encouraging thing to say, says “All right, you go, but remember this: When you cross my doorstep, you have already been raised. With what you have learned from your Grandmother Henderson in Arkansas and what you have learned from me, you know the difference between right and wrong. Do right. Don’t let anybody raise you from the way you have been raised. Know you will always have to make adaptations, in love relationships, in friends, in society, in work, but don’t let anybody change your mind. And then remember this: You can always come home.” (73). What a breath of fresh air to read. Re-reading it now just makes me smile at the love her mother has for her.
“On the day we moved from her house, Mother liberated me by letting me know she was on my side…She liberated me from a society that would have had me think of myself as the lower of the low. She liberated me to life.” (73)
These quotes are what helped me get through the book — I’m such a sucker for positive thinking and feeling, and these words just warmed my soul.
Her mother tells her one day, “You are the greatest woman I’ve ever met… You are very kind and very intelligent and those elements are not always found together.” (80)
Maya reflects on what her mother said, “Suppose she is right?…Suppose I really am going to become somebody. Imagine.” (80-81) Even though at this moment in writing the book she knew who she became and knew how important she really is to the world (as we all are), imagine if everyone could feel this way about themselves? Imagine the heights people could aspire to just because someone believed in them. Just because someone felt they were important and could move mountains. What a powerful impact words can on encouraging themselves to be their best self.
She works two jobs to support her and her son, and she tries hard to stay afloat. When she tells her mother about her anger towards white women, and the ones who have someone able to pay all of their bills, her mother tells her to forget her anger. She offers her a loan to help set her on the right track and give her the ability to spend more time with her son. Due to this, she is able to gain more quality time and get a better paying job all together. That loan helped set her journey in the right direction and completely changed her trajectory.
It reminds of a time when I was younger and struggling to keep my bills in check. I literally wasn’t making good choices and I kept spending money I didn’t have. My boss offered me a loan and created a budget for me to get back on track. It was one of the highlights of my career and set me in a new direction. I was able to get back on my feet and start saving again. I will forever be grateful for that (thanks, Ryan!!) and I always remember how that act of kindness changed my world.
At one of her jobs, she meets a white man at the record store; he falls for her and asks her to marry him. She says yes, but discusses it with her mother first. Her mother is in complete disagreement because she thinks he may be a poor white man instead of a rich one. Her brother tells her, “You have broken her heart. She thought you knew enough to stay alone or marry a rich man.” (101) UGH. I hate the sexist ideal that you have to marry rich in order to be happy. I know it was the way of thinking back then, but STILL.
Her mother does come around though, “Ignorance is a terrible thing. It causes families to lose their center and causes people to lose their control. Ignorance knows no binds. Old people, young people, middle-aged, black, white, can all be ignorant. I thought my daughter was throwing her self away. She has already had a rough life and I thought she was willingly being stupid… please accept my apologies…I admire you for loving my darling daughter.” (106-107)
However…they do end up divorcing, though, because he slowly takes away the things that she enjoys — her friends, her love of dance, her career, and her mother. Her son is devastated, but he’s the only “father” he’s ever known. Her mother remarks, “Although it is painful, imagine if you had allowed Tosh [her husband] to take the sense of your person away. Guy would have lost the person he needs the most, his mother. For the sake of yourself, you must preserve yourself and for the sake of Guy you must preserve his mother.” (120) SUCH TRUTH.
Her mother always has the most encouraging things to say, “You are going far in this world, baby, because you dare to risk everything. That’s what you have to do. You are prepared to do the best you know to do. But if you don’t succeed, you also know all you have to do is try it again.” (123) Such incredible and empowering words; no matter what you try in life and no matter how much you are knocked down, GET BACK UP. One of my favorite quotes by an unknown author is, “When life knocks you down, roll over and look at the stars.”
At one point, she is filled with anxiety over the fact that she had to leave her son for quite some time (two months), in order to follow her dreams overseas. She is filled with regret over someone else caring for her children, even though it was her mother. She seeks refuge in a close friend, whom she knows she can talk to. He immediately has her write down a list of things she is grateful for. “First, write down that you heard me say ‘write’ and think of the millions of people all over the world who cannot hear a choir, or a symphony, or their own babies crying…write down that you can see this yellow pad, and think of the millions of people around the world who cannot see a waterfall, or flowers blooming, or their lovers face…then write down that you can read. Think of the millions of people around the world who cannot read the news of the day, or a letter from home, a stop sign on a busy street.” (135) This exercise immediately helps her see the beauty of her life and what she should be grateful for. ”From that encounter on, whether my days are stormy or sunny and if my nights are glorious or lonely, I maintain an attitude of gratitude. If pessimism insists on occupying my thoughts, I remember there is always tomorrow. Today I am blessed.” (137) Oh, this part warms my soul!!!!
Unfortunately, her mother has been diagnosed with lung cancer and given only a few months to live, so she asks if she will come and stay with her. She agrees; her mother is well taken care of by Maya, and lives longer than expected. Later, her mother falls into a coma and she hires nurses to hold her hand, so that she has human contact as long as she is alive.
Maya then holds her hand and says, “I’ve been told that people need to be given permission to leave. I don’t know if you are waiting, but I can say you may have done all you came here to do. You’ve been a hard worker – white, black, Asian, and Latino women ship out of the San Francisco port because of you. You have been a shipfitter, a nurse, a real estate broker, and a barber. Many men and – if my memory serves me right – a few women risk their lives to love you. You were a terrible mother of small children, but there has never been anyone greater than you as a mother of a young adult.” (196-197) Her mother squeezed her hand twice and died that evening.
With that, the book and the story ends. Since the book was published in 2013, the next year she passed away. April 4, 1928 — May 2014.
If you’re looking for an uplifting story that will help you learn about the the backstory of Maya…the trials she encountered, and the love she and her mother had for each other, please give it a read.
Happy Belated Mother’s Day, everyone!
Rating: 3.5/5 (What can I say, I’m a tough critic!)
Find the book here (and support local bookstores): Mom & Me & Mom by Maya Angelou
Check it out on Amazon here: Mom & Me & Mom by Maya Angelou