Jacob Have I Loved by Katherine Paterson – Summary & Review

I should start by saying that I am not a beach person, nor do I have an infatuation with being near a body of salt water. I do love lakes and springs, but living near a marshy land or a beach is not something I would choose.

The story begins with a description of crab hunting and how the narrator and a friend of hers catch them. There is a lengthy discussion of the very small island that she lives on and the typical life she lives.

As soon as she arrives home, we become aware of a sibling rivalry and disdain towards her twin sister. “I was the elder by a few minutes. I always treasured the thought of those few minutes. They represented the only time in my life when I was the center of everyone’s attention. From the moment Caroline was born, she snatched it all for herself.” (19) She questioned who was caring for her whenever her sister was having troubles breathing; her grandmother responds, “How should I know? It was a long time ago.” (19) This, of course, causes her to feel inadequate and unimportant. Her sister is doted on more than she is, can play the piano like a pro, and sings beautifully. Who wouldn’t feel a small pang of jealously, especially if you feel that you lack in special abilities.

I can really resonate with these feelings of inadequacy, though, as I have often felt that people didn’t pay enough attention to me or that my existence was just discarded. I have even compared myself to my sister and how jealous I was of her incredible voice. I asked my father once what I could do, that was similar to my sister singing aloud for an audience. He replied, “You could read aloud to them?” I never forgot that comment, as it made me feel like I didn’t have something valuable to offer. Years later, I now know that reading aloud to others is one of my favorite things to do! Maybe I was destined for a career in the educational world—as a teacher or a librarian (which would be such a great career and one I have often thought about.) However, I digress. Hopefully these introspective thoughts will continue as I read.

We learn the time period of the story when the narrator listens to the radio and learns that Pearl Harbor has just been bombed. Due to this, she wishes to skip Christmas, but all of the children laugh at her and the teacher dismisses it. She, again, feels that no one truly listens to her or values what she has to say.

Her sister Caroline, on the other hand “was so sure, so present, so easy, so light and gold, while I was all gray and shadow. I was not ugly or monstrous…But I had never caused my parent’s ‘a minute’s worry.’ Didn’t they know that worry proves you care? Didn’t they realize that I needed their worry to assure myself that I was worth something?” (42)

She knows there is more to life for her than on the island. “I suppose I knew that there was no future for me on Rass. How can I face a lifetime of passive waiting? Waiting for the roads to come in of an afternoon, waiting in a crab house for the crabs to shed, waiting at home for children to be born, waiting for them to grow up, waiting, at last, for the Lord to take me home.” (46-47) This reminds me of those people that I call “waiters.” They wait for something to happen to them, they wait for the weekend, they wait for the next holiday or for the next big thing, but don’t appreciate or take notice of the current moment. The movie, “Click” expands on this idea of not rushing past those little moments in your life that you don’t want to sit through. It always encouraged me to live my best life, instead of rushing the times I don’t enjoy. If you haven’t seen the movie, you definitely should!

The island her family inhabits is very small; everyone knows everyone and when someone shows up on the island that people don’t recognize, it causes everyone to wonder who he is. He moves into the long since abandoned house at the end of her road, so it’s assumed that his name is Harim Wallace. Sara Louise, the narrator, and her friend Call decide that they will investigate what is going on and see if he is a spy.

Whenever they peer into his house, though, he sees them and invites them in for tea. This starts a friendship between them all and they start to visit with him more often.

The hatred of her sister seems to grow heavier with time. She hates her sister, even though she belongs to a religion that teaches her not to hate. She wishes that Caroline was dead. She even dreams of her being dead; in one dream, she is the one who kills her! She had woken up laughing at the thought, but then it had turned into crying.

“Sometimes I would rage at God, at his monstrous almighty injustice… I would search the Scriptures, but not for enlightenment or instruction. I was looking for some tiny shred of evidence that was not to be eternally damned for hating my sister…as fast as I would repent, resolving never again to hate, some demons would slip into my soul…and whisper, “See The look on your mother’s face as she listens to Caroline practice? Has she ever looked at you that way?” (82)

Sara Louise and Call start helping the Captain, the man who had moved into the old abandoned house, every day for a couple hours in order to help get the house back in shape. They weren’t paid for it, which Sara hates, but they continue to work hard for him.

Religion is dripped over all of these pages and keeps coming into conversation, as the Islanders are very big into following the commandments. Captain says, “damn it to hell” in reference to a cat that has run into his home and is now causing a ruckus. Call remarks to him that this is against what the commandments say to follow. “Call, I know those blasted commandments as well as you do, and there is not one word in them about how to speak to a tomcat. Now stop trying to play preacher and help me catch that damn cat and let’s get him out of here.” (104)

A woman who lives nearby and has SIXTEEN cats, ends up in the hospital. Captain decides that the cats need to be taken care of, especially since there is no one to feed them while she is gone. His best option is to place them into big burlap bags, take them a couple of miles out, and leave them. How is that even humane?! And why would you get rid of someone’s cats just because they are in the hospital? I would be devastated. Finally, Sara Louise comes to her senses about what they are doing when, “a piteous little cry rose from the sack nearest my feet. It sounded more like a baby than a cat, which is why, I suppose, it suddenly tore the blinders from my mind.” (118)

Call and the Captain come back with all of the cats, as they couldn’t do it either. Caroline comes up with the idea to drug the cats (in order to calm them) and then she will take them around to different houses to see if they can be adopted. Of course, she is successful. They are all sitting around telling the story of how she did this and Sara Louise says to herself, “ I felt as I always did when someone told the story of my birth.” (124) Now, the sister who has always stolen the thunder from her, has done so again.

There comes a great and terrible storm, most likely a hurricane, and they have prepared their homes for the worst. As they are all sitting together in her parents bedroom (except for Caroline, who is still sleeping), Sara Louise sits next to her mother. “I wanted to snuggle up on her lap like a toddler, but I was 14, so I sat as close to her body as I dared.” (133) As the mother of a young child, who is close to being a toddler, I hope that my own daughter never thinks this way. I always want to be there for her, and cuddle her whenever she is scared! That’s one of my fears…that we won’t always be as close as we are now or that she feels like she won’t be able to talk to me. I am sure that every parent has this fear at one point or another, but I truly do want to be my daughter’s best friend.

The storm did not take any lives, but it did take the Captain’s house. To comfort him, Sara Louise hugs him tightly and all of sudden she feels hot all over. She pulled back abruptly and wouldn’t face him, as she felt ashamed at her body’s response. She focuses on his hands, but “just looking at his hands was doing the same wild things to the secret places of [her] body that holding him had done.” (144) This man is fifty six years older than her…why did her body have this dramatic response? As a young girl who is just learning her own body and who has most likely never really learned about sex, I can only assume she is just trying to process all that she feels.

Her love of his hands entrances her so much, that she notices how ragged hers look. “ The nails were broken and then to clean, the cuticles ragged. There was a crack of red at the edge of my index finger where a hangnail had been chewed away…a man with strong clean hands would never look at me and love. No man would.” (154-155)

She was now fascinated by all of the hands in her classroom and decides that “the hands were the most revealing part of the human body – far more significant than eyes.” (160) How unfortunate this is for me! My hands have always been labeled as old lady hands. I had a boyfriend in sixth grade who refused to hold my hands because of how old they looked. Lame, right?!What’s funny though is that I do love to see beautiful hands. Especially ones that look soft and supple. Anyway, I digress, yet again…

Since the Captain lost his home in the storm, he began staying at the neighbor’s house, who had all of the cats. Since she was getting out of the hospital and would be coming home soon, he wouldn’t have a place to stay. Caroline comes up with the idea that he should marry this woman, so that he can live with her without people questioning why two unmarried people are living together. It seems like an absolutely crazy idea, but he goes and actually gets married to her!

Now, as I’m on page 176, I can’t help but wonder where the story is actually going. What is the conflict besides her hating her sister and loving this older man? There’s not really a good plot to follow, and I find myself quite bored with the text. I expected by now that there would be some major conflict to solve between her and her sister, or maybe learning her place in the world compared to her sister. All we have at this point is a lot of discussion of her crabbing and oyster catching abilities.

Trudy, the woman the captain married, has another massive stroke and dies. Afterword, they all still spend time together, as they always have. Sara Louise remarks that she wishes there was enough money to send her and Caroline to boarding school, as it would create better opportunities for the both of them.

The captain comes over to let them know that Trudy had left a little legacy. “I’ve investigated. There will be enough for Caroline to go to Baltimore and continue her music…[Sara Louise] sat there as stunned as though he had thrown a rock in [my] face.” Apparently the Captain had misunderstood that Sara Louise was only talking about Caroline receiving schooling. “Sara Louise, tell her how you were saying to me just the other day that someone should understand that special circumstances demand special solutions – that Caroline ought to be sent to a really good school where she could continue her music.” (192-193)

Her grandmother, who has been a source of negativity and rude comments, comes up behind her and says “Jacob have I loved, but Esau have I hated” which is from Romans 9:13. The sibling rivalry biblical reference seems most fitting here in this moment. God did not love Esau, but loved Jacob instead, which is how Sara Louise feels compared to her sister Caroline.

What an incredibly blow to her feelings, “The Captain, who I’d always believed was different, had, like everyone else, chosen her over me. Since the day we were born, twins like Jacob and Esau, the younger head ruled the older.” (195) When she references the Bible verse, she realizes that it was God himself who hates her and without cause. He had chosen to hate her since she was the first born.

Even though it’s considered a man’s job, she has finally given the opportunity to work with her father on board his ship to collect oysters. These were considered the happiest days of her life. “I was not happy in anyway that would make sense to most people, but I was, for the first time in my life deeply content with what what life was giving me.” (203)

While Caroline is at school, and Call is off in the Navy, Sara Louise has devoted her life to working. Her work “sucked from [her] every breath, every thought, every trace of energy.” (204) She was a loner and really didn’t seem to mind. While receiving lessons from Captain, they discussed the letters that they received from Caroline and how she’s doing fabulously and the letters that Captain receives from Call about how he’s doing overseas. You really begin to see how lonely her life is, especially since she doesn’t have her sister or her best friend around. She does have her father that she spends all of her time with, though, but no friends. It is a small island, with a very small population, but still.

When Call comes back, she can’t help but notice how much he has changed for the better. “He stood there in his petty officer’s uniform, tall and almost shockingly broad-shouldered and thin-hipped, his cap pushed tightly back, the sun lighting on the patch of reddish hair that showed. His eyes were bright blue and smiling down at me, his nose had mysteriously shrunk to fit his face. I realized I was staring at him and that he was enjoying it. I looked away, embarrassed.” (219)

You can tell she’s excited to see him, but the conversation takes a turn for the worst in her heart. When asked how Caroline is doing, whom he stopped to see in New York, he says, “She said yes.” (225) Obviously, their relationship was a lot more serious than Sara Louise thought it was. I actually feel so sorry for her; her entire life has been about her sister one upping everything and taking everything from her. When she lays out her disgust, Call believes it’s because she “never did think [he] was much to brag about.” (227) Since she didn’t know how she felt about him, it only makes sense that he wouldn’t know either.

Since the family is out for Call and Caroline‘s wedding, Sara Louise, her grandmother, and the Captain have Christmas dinner together. The Captain and her FINALLY have a conversation about where her life is headed. I know she’s young, just barely out of school, but I feel as though no one speaks to her about where her life may be going.

“You we’re never meant to be a woman on this island. A man, perhaps. Never a woman.” He makes this comment because she loves to go crabbing or catching oysters, which is normally a man’s job on the island.

“You can’t do anything you want to. I’ve known that from the first day I met you…Don’t tell me no one ever gave you a chance. You don’t need anything given to you. You can make your own chances. But first you have to know what you’re after, my dear.” (236-237) What’s really enlightening about this moment is realizing that those people who are out there and think the opportunities are not coming to them naturally, as it does for other people, are those who don’t go out there and get it. Her sister Caroline took charge and would make things happen, while she maybe let life pass her by. However, did she really know any better? Wasn’t she just living her life for happiness?

She and her mother get into an argument about how her mother had had so much life ahead of her, but she chose to live on this tiny little island. It thoroughly distresses Sara Louise, because she knows how badly she wants to leave the island. She says, “I’m not going to rot here like grandma. I’m going to get off this island and do something.” (246) Her mother tells her that she wouldn’t stop her, but remarks that she never heard Sara Louise say she wanted to leave. She realizes her mother is right – that all of these dreams of her leaving never included telling anyone, because she was afraid to go. People are afraid to start their lives away from their parents, away from everything they’ve ever known, especially if they’re not sure it’s the right move. She had clung to them, like the island, because it was her comfort zone. All of this stems from her abandonment issues; she was worried she would, “find [herself] once more cold and clean in a forgotten basket.” (247)

She ends up going to nursing school and then moving to a tiny valley in the Appalachian Mountains. The mountains were where she’s always wanted to go. She ends up meeting a man who tells her that “Heaven’s been raising you for this valley from the day you were born.” (256)

All in all, 263 pages later, I’m no more enthralled with the book than I was at the beginning. It seemed a slow moving story that had a lot of interesting moments, but not as engaging as I would’ve hoped. If you like books about small-town life that have a gentle read, give it a try. If you need action and lots of thick plot, I’d choose another.

3/5 stars

Check out the book at my Bookshop or on Amazon.